23 May 2013 Well, how interesting! When I set myself a challenge to write about each of the cards, to share with you honestly and openly, to include as much of my flow writing as I could - when I set myself this challenge, I thought I might come up against a block at some stage. I didn't expect that to happen on only week four out of fifty! By the time you read this I hope I will have recovered my equilibrium, been able to step back and observe my reactions, and use my first three cards of Honesty, Wisdom, and Angels to take me through this bump in the road. Beginning to reflect on 'Learning', I wrote some words then had a wobble wondering how you would receive it, if you would think badly of me, if ..., if...., etc. Having grappled with the internal critics and censors, the writing below is pretty well intact. Then the arrival of the 'Thoughts from the Universe' piece in my in-box today made me smile: "Behind your greatest fear, Mary, lies your greatest gift. And your greatest gift, Mary, will be the example you become." I hope my example, in spite of (or maybe because of) my struggles, will prove to be a gift in some way to you. This is one of those words that can bring the 'oh no' reaction. Oh no, surely I've learnt enough, not more 'lessons' in life? During this time of my own coming home to myself, of rediscovering my own wisdom, I have begun to see the idea of 'learning' in a different light. When I first began on my path of personal growth many years ago, I'd hear people talking about the lessons to be learnt from the horrible things that happened, in my case one of those was having cancer. I could find myself in a spiral of wondering why my lessons were so hard, if maybe they were a punishment of some sort, even if I had brought them on myself - 'all my fault'. I could feel in a trap of circular thinking: if I can choose my thoughts and my feelings and change my life, why did life sometimes seem so bad? Gradually I have been able to escape from this trap (though it is easy for me to slip back into it too). My personal view of the events of my life have changed - through my own experiences, through talking with friends, reading many books - I have, yes, 'learned', that I can choose to take another view. I can connect with my eternal self, my higher consciousness, my soul (any term you like to use). I can observe the physical body and the human mind attached. Begin to see how my reactions and my experiences are interwoven, how I forget that the light within is undiminished whatever happens to my body. That my light is a spark making up part of the whole. ......... This was my first piece of flow-writing on drawing this card, and I am interested in just how it flowed. My internal critic is now jumping in and suggesting that maybe I should not share it with you. Maybe you don't share my views, maybe you will be offended, maybe you won't  like what I have written. And now the critic is even laying into that - maybe readers will now feel I am being patronising or condescending? But stop! You know that you can accept or reject my views, that they don't need to have any affect on you, unless you choose. ....Isn't it interesting, what a tangled web I have woven trying to be what I think people want me to be rather than just being me. So I choose to step back again and observe the chorus of internal critics piping away over there. I choose to be kind to myself.  "Learning" - I am always learning, or discovering, new things and facts. And I am rediscovering myself afresh. I can share with you in my own way, my own voice. Each writer, however unknown or however famous, has something to say that will reach particular people in a special way that will deliver a message to them. Having navigated all that convoluted thinking - finally in my musings this week: the colour of the background of this card. The soft purple is peaceful, and also powerful. A colour associated with spirituality, healing and creativity. A colour I have always loved, especially in nature in flowers such as the "glory bush" flower below, or in velvety irises and petunias.   Thank you for sharing my ups and downs this week, any comments or thoughts you would like to leave below would be very helpful for me.. Onward with our shared rediscovery! Mary