Light

12 March 2014 This week it feels as if the light has returned here in Cornwall. After what seems like such a long winter of dark stormy skies, gales of wind, and torrential rain, the sun has come out. And in such a glorious way, several days of blue skies and cool winds (it is still early spring after all even if it looks like summer). Nature has responded: the sunshine yellow of daffodils brightens gardens and roadsides, the lacy white blackthorn shines in the hedgerows, and the slightest haze of green is now breaking out into leaves appearing on the smaller shrubs. Soon the bigger trees will follow and that heart-gladdening moment when the world is full of fresh green in a hundred different shades will be with us. If you are in the southern hemisphere, maybe you are enjoying those bright autumn days when colours are intense and nature celebrates the harvest of the year? Not having lived in the tropics for any length of time I don't know how variations in natural light occur there and the effects - I'd love to hear from you if you do have these experiences. I've been in quite a dark place myself, with physical pain dominating for a while and doubts surfacing about my work. Sunshine can help me feel more positive. At other times the contrast between the outer world and the inner is heightened. Surely I 'should' be happy on such a lovely day? I 'should' be content in my good fortune to have a job with a salary and a roof over my head..... (I feel like a siren should be going off here "Deedah, deedah - negative self-talk warning - deedah, deedah.") Can I shine a light on this? Can I change the 'should' to 'could'?  I 'could' be happy. There are reasons why I am feeling a different way. Can I put a precise name to this feeling, this particular emotion? Recently I've been reading about integrating my 'shadow' with my conscious self. We all have parts of us we are ashamed of and maybe afraid of too - the angry, jealous, shameful parts of us. The parts that feel we'll be 'found out' as a fraud, that people may see our thoughts and be disgusted or hate us. If I look at these parts differently maybe I can accept and integrate them and their power can be used in a positive way? In Jill Badonsky's book The Nine Modern Day Muses (and a Bodyguard) she says: "The dark sides of personalities are always present, just as light invariably casts a shadow. When the light is brightest,  the shadow is deepest. When mortals explore their hidden shadow side, there is a power, a liberating freedom, and a creative release." Part of this, for me, has been to learn how to express and release strong emotions such as grief or anger in a safe and constructive way. I can't say I have any easy answers, the way I deal with it is to be aware that I am developing new practices, new ways of being truly myself. (And the word 'practice' allows for the possibility that I am always learning, will never be 'perfect', that the joy is in the journey.) Allowing in the light, and adding in humour (as Jill does in her very particular style), are ways of letting the shadow be seen, and to be itself. To be an integral part of me. Allowing the anger to be used for good, to become a righteous power when needed. Transmuting the grief into an honouring and celebration of that which has gone - whether that is a beloved person, a pet, my youth, health, a past career, or a broken favourite coffee mug. Recognising that grief is as useful and valid an emotion to feel about events in my life as are joy or excitement. Without the dark of night I would not be able to see the stars or the waxing moon outside my window as I write. And when the light becomes too dazzling, I can welcome the shadow, turn towards it and look into it to rest my eyes and to see what gifts lie within that part of me. (that last sentence is an approximate remembering of  words I have read, apologies to the author for not referencing them as I cannot remember where). Thank you to Kathy Kane, who I am working with as my own coach at the moment for introducing me to Jill Badonsky's work. I have lots more to explore in the shadows and sunlight. ...................... A pause feels necessary here for a deep breath or two. ..................... The colour of the card is a sunshine yellow, the colour of the trumpets of some daffodils, and of the gorse that flowers in Cornwall nearly all the year round.  As always, please feel free to comment below with your thoughts and comments.  If you would like to own a set of cards to explore their power for yourself please visit the dedicated page. Thank you dear friends for visiting with me again this week and sharing my musings. Until next time, with love, Mary *if you have any difficulty accessing the 'blogspot' service, you can also read here on the Daring to Blossom website, or find 'Dare to Blossom Life Coaching' on Facebook.