November 2011 Newsletter

In this issue:

Reflections: On reflecting
Fund Raising event in Cornwall
Inspirational links
 
On reflecting

As I write this my focus is on preparing for my workshop at the *Euro Coach List Conference, and looking forward to participating in the other sessions myself.

The pleasure of anticipation is peppered with the piquancy of fear: will anyone come to my workshop? Will they enjoy it?

There are a number of special things about this event for me: it is entirely organised by volunteers from the members, no one is being paid, it is a community effort. In addition to well known speakers they have given an opportunity for people such as me to experience being a workshop presenter.

Reflecting on why this event is different for me, I think of all the workshops I have run already: conference sessions for cancer charities; training workshops for colleges and other organisations on self-employment and business planning; 'words for healing' events for Lapidus; my own Dare to Blossom workshops.

All have been different, all special. This conference especially I think because all the people there will be fellow coaches, which feels at the same time the most understanding, and the most challenging of audiences.

Reflecting on this sparked the title of this piece: 'On reflecting'. The process above has helped me put my feelings in context, to see a wider picture. And to focus on the learning and joy I will experience in the event. I am not promoting or selling my services, I am sharing and offering a space for people to take time out for themselves.

I will write next month about the conference, I know it will be full of surprises.

For you: some suggestions for your journal or meditation reflections:

• What in your life would benefit from reflection at this moment?
• Where are your thoughts and feelings?  Why are they focused there? 

Your thoughts? If you would like to share them please comment below.

*There are still a few places left at the conference if you feel inspired to join us, click here for details.

Fund Raising Event in Cornwall

The charity "Pete's Dragons" are holding a Ladies' Pamper Evening this week in Launceston, North Cornwall, full details here. I am not able to attend myself but everyone who does will receive a special gift from me of a voucher for a free telephone coaching session.

Inspirational links

"Learning to Fall"
I have yet to read this book by Philip Simmons, sub-titled "The Blessings of an Imperfect Life", this excerpt is a thought provoking reflection on 'falling' in all aspects: 

To tempt you to read, here is the final paragraph:

"We are all—all of us—falling. We are all, now, this moment, in the midst of that descent, fallen from heights that may now seem only a dimly remembered dream, falling toward a depth we can only imagine, glimpsed beneath the water’s surface shimmer. And so let us pray that if we are falling from grace, dear God let us also fall with grace, to grace. If we are falling toward pain and weakness, let us also fall toward sweetness and strength. If we are falling toward death, let us also fall toward life."

Thanks to Soleira Green for these links (see The Visionary Network

www.transformingourworld.com  to sign up for Soleira's newsletters) 

The new Yeo Valley Organic advertisement.

Breathtaking views of Earth from the International Space Station

 

And here is a bit of Halloween fun, sent by Ben in New Zealand, from the (UK) newspaper The Guardian, with pictures taken in California!

Finally, please do visit the Daring to Blossom web site - still work in progress, germinating slowly and soon to bloom spendidily I am sure!

a wow moment

Having just been writing about mystery and wonder, this morning I opened the curtains to the most amazing sun rise. I grabbed my camera and dashed outside to try and record some of the stunning 'sky blue pink' colours that covered the whole sky from east to west.


This photo gives a little of the feeling of brightly illuminated mist.

Mystery and other reflections - October newsletter

October 2011

Welcome to the Dare to Blossom newsletter

If this has been forwarded to you by someone else, you can sign up for your own copy every month here.  If you do not wish to receive future editions, please use the link below to unsubscribe. Everyone who is on the mailing list will be entered into a draw twice a year (at the end of June and the end of December) with a chance to win a prize of six free life coaching sessions.

In this issue:

Reflections: Mystery
Daring to Blossom: progress report
Events and news
Inspiring Links: 'Let's ride motorcycles!'
Reflections: Mystery
 
Mystery: what does that mean to you? The word popped up in my mind as an intriguing subject for reflection. And in one of those moments of coincidence (or synchronicity?) the lyrics of the CD I was listening to at that moment contained the word too.

The Cambridge Dictionary definition is: "something strange or not known which has not yet been explained or understood". Some things are a mystery to us individually because we have not experienced them before or learnt about them from others. This sense of mystery is closely tied in with a sense of wonder. Retaining a child-like sense of wonder has always felt important to me, I know when I am becoming over-tired or stressed as that is when I lose that sense of wonder (not to mention my sense of humour!).

I was brought up as a child to always want to know more about the world around me, to observe, to wonder, and to follow things up later. Walks in the country or on the seashore would be followed by taking reference books off the shelves. One of the things that my husband and I have in common is sharing this sense of curiosity and interest in solving a mystery. And wonder: often when we are out one of us will say "Wow, look at that!"

Recently we visited Trevarno Gardens, a charming and indivdual privately owned estate. This time we spent a long time exploring the Victorian rockery and grotto area. We remembered seeing in the displays that there are five stone faces hidden around the rockery, so we spent a while hunting for them and photographing them. Who put them there, and why? The answers may be recorded somewhere but this was an enjoyable mystery for us. Here is a photo of one of them, an interesting face which could be a story in itself.



Later, I had fun with the marvellous colours of the fallen giant rhododrendron leaves, arranging them in a circle of autumn shades. After I had taken my photos I left them as a small mystery for someone else to discover, or the wind to scatter.



In a broader sense, many mysteries of the past have now been explained by science: the workings of the solar system; the moon ruling the tides; the development of a child in the womb before birth. Many of these explanations leave and, even uncover, many more mysteries for us to ponder. Humankind's search for answers and meaning is one of the defining characteristics of being human.

For you: some suggestions for your journal or meditation reflections:

• What mysteries do you enjoy exploring or investigating?
• Would you like to plan a walk, trip, day out or the luxury of reading to learn more about one of these subjects?
• Would you like to write, (prose or poetry), or draw, paint or photograph your mysteries and discoveries?
• What can you learn about yourself, about others, and the world around you by following your sense of wonder?

Some mysteries that once seemed unknowable have been illuminated by science, others are perhaps eternal.  The questions of love, life and death have been pondered and explored by philosophers, artists, writers, and scientists - ever since the earliest cave men painted on the walls of their caves.

Many inspiring quotations are attributed to Einstein, and this seems a good one to finish with today:

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."

Source, Copyright: Kevin Harris 1995 (may be freely distributed with this acknowledgement)

Daring to Blossom: progress report
I have taken the plunge and put up the first few pages of the new Daring to Blossom: Seeing You, Being You website. At the moment it is a very tentative little green shoot. I hope you will help me nurture it as it grows and develops into the wonderful vision I have of a place for people to join with like-minded people in discussions,to share ideas, to take part in online courses and to find out about workshops and events. I would love to hear your comments and suggestions, either by email or by commenting on the Dare to Blossom blog.

Events and News: Euro Coach List Conference 4 & 5 November 2011 

I am repeating this item from last month as it may be of interest to readers in the personal development field. The Euro Coach List is an online group for anyone involved in coaching of any kind, and has been a valuable source of support to me (and to many others I know). We share experiences, knowledge, learning, ideas - and the conference is organised by a team of volunteers. You do not have to be a member to attend, though there is a discount if you are, and you can find out more here: www.eclconference.com. There is a wonderful programme of speakers in a peaceful country house location.

Online Magazine, teleclasses and course from Soleira Green
Soleira Green has launched a new online magazine: "Created by 25 people from 7 countries, Visionary Voices is a treasure chest of visionary articles, interviews, events, art, poetry, and more." www.visionaryvoices.net. She has two events coming up soon:

Wild Organic Abundance for people new to our work

Starts Thursday October 6th

Details at www.transformingourworld.com/teleclasses.html

 

Visionary Coach ~ Creator course

October 21st-23rd in West Sussex, UK

Details at www.transformingourworld.com/visionary-coach--creator.html

Inspiring Links: you may have seen this before, worth watching more than once, it reminds me not to give into the aches and pains I may feel, click here for inspiration on following dreams.

Ode to True Friends

This is from the September Dare to Blossom newsletter:


Reflections: Ode to True Friends
 

During August I have been taking part in my second course with Fiona Robyn, whose website (Writing Our Way Home) I have mentioned before. The Writing Ourselves Alive course has been an amazing experience sharing written thoughts and pieces of work with a group of people scattered all around the world. We have learnt a little about each other's lives, and a lot about ourselves. The support offered in very different ways by the participants to each person and to the group has been amazing, and all brought together and facilitated by Fiona in a compassionate and inspiring way.

I wanted to share with you a reflective piece I wrote during this time, as you are also all true friends.

Ode to true Friends

Today I am celebrating true friends, past and present. Those I see regularly, those I have never met but share lives with however briefly. And those in between, we just pick up the phone and talk, the gap of weeks, months or years is nothing at all.

 

All of you bring different gifts, each your special and unique quality. We share confidences, thoughts, fears, deep secrets from the past, that often we have told no one else, ever. Things we can't, or won't, talk to our families about.

 

Yesterday, you and I, Maria, shared a magical, wonderful day on the beach. That huge, huge beach that in a storm (winter or summer) has thundering atlantic rollers crashing in. That summer, welcoming beach that yesterday was populated with the ranks of coloured windbreaks, each a temporary encampment for a family.

 

We walked and talked, talked and walked. Down the beach towards the receding low tide, passing the lifeguard station to check the tide really was going out (and will we ever know why that lifeguard was being filmed in a black curly wig and false moustache??!!)

 

We walked and talked all along to the far end of the huge, huge beach. Visiting the ancient cave with the coloured mineralised walls, marvelling at the power of the rocks and the even greater power of the sea to erode them.

 

We talked and walked: through our past, sharing our present, and on into visualising our future. We listened in turn to each other as we paced side by side. Leaving the family-packed beach behind, passing a few people, with seemingly endless space on each side of us - to be free, to be honest, to voice thoughts and ideas we did not know we were thinking until they were shared.

 

We walked and wondered at who had made the mermaid sculpture out of flotsam up on the sand dunes, you said what a masculine-seeming mermaid it was, very strong, and we laughed at the two orange floats on her chest - bright orange boobs.

 

We talked and walked right to the end of the beach where the cliffs that dwarfed us turned and joined the sea. We also turned and met our footsteps coming towards us. We passed them again, a symbol of the talking already done, of our movement forward from some of those past concerns. We smiled as we passed for the second time the line someone had drawn in the sand: "Finishing Line" the big letters read

 

We shared lunch and talked and laughed and talked some more. Families and work and friends, old and new. We felt our absent companion who was unable to join us, and celebrated our three-way friendship this year, so special, so much a soul family. Celebrating the times we have held the space and leaned in for each other, most often when we were physically coping with a big challenge by ourselves, but not alone. Never alone while your spiritual support is there. Deep thanks to you Maria and Anna.

 

Thinking of our wider family of friends past and present, some in our lives for a day, some a year or so, some for ever.

 

Maria, I still have the fridge magnet you gave me:

 

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

 

Thank you to everyone reading this: you have all left footprints in my heart.

For you: some suggestions for your journal or meditation reflections:

If it appeals to you, write a letter to someone (or something) you appreciate. This could be someone you love, or someone you don't like very much - appreciating the gifts they bring into your life in the challenges they offer you. It could be a place, a plant, a favourite book. Have fun, and you may be surprised at what you learn. You may be able to share the letter with a person you have written to, or may be not, either way it is a valuable exercise.

August newsletter

August 2011

Welcome to the Dare to Blossom newsletter

In this issue:

Reflections: Authentic Voices
Book review: Time to Think Nancy Kline
Inspiring conference: Euro Coach List Conference 2011
Small Stones: Fiona Robyn's courses

Reflections: Authentic Voices

The title of this month's reflections was inspired by the theme of this year's Euro Coach List Conference (see more below on this event).

Following on from last month, and having just finished reading Time to Think, when I began writing this it was a continuation on the theme of listening.  I know I will be writing more on that theme, but as I went on it seemed more and more like a chore, something I was forcing myself to do, feeling stilted and tired.

I have learnt from experience that the best writing - the writing that connects with people's hearts, the writing that rings with an authentic voice - that writing is not forced, not a chore. Rather, it is a joy, an experience of creating in the flow of life.

My authenticity, my truth, at the time I started trying to write was - that I was feeling stilted and tired. What I needed to do was to listen to my own internal voice telling me to rest, to allow myself to be and feel tired without continuously pushing myself on, doing more and more. Until I myself find my authentic voice, truly hear and respect it myself - how will I ever be able to articulate the things I want to say as a writer in that authentic way so others can hear and respect - and enjoy the messages?

So this month my reflections are that, for me, I do not have much to write and share right now. And that is absolutely OK. 

For you: some suggestions for your journal or meditation reflections:

• What is your authentic voice telling you right now?
• What can you do for yourself to allow that voice to be heard, firstly by yourself, and then by others?

Book Review: Tine to Think by Nancy Kline

This review was written by Jacky Pratt, who recommended the book during my coaching sessions recently, and who has kindly given me permission to reprint it here. 

Time to Think : Listening to ignite the human mind

Nancy Kline, 1999, Cassell Illustrated, ISBN 0706377451

Time to Think is a book that changes behaviour. It has a simple, but powerful message, which is that the quality of our thinking depends upon the quality of another person’s attention when listening to us. Why is this important? Because thinking precedes action, so clearer thinking leads to improved action.

Until challenged, most of us believe we are good, or at least adequate, listeners. Time to Think provides this challenge. It helps us to understand that listening expertly takes skill and practice… and that the results can be amazing.

How often do you think you know what someone else is about to say? Do you ever finish someone’s sentence for them? Maybe you think you know the answer to their problem, so perhaps you are only half-listening, whilst formulating what you will say when it is next your turn to speak? This book helps us understand the value of letting people talk, uninterrupted, instead of finishing their sentence for them and offering advice. This literally provides them with ‘time to think’, to listen to themselves, to reach insights which otherwise stay buried.

Nancy Kline expands this concept into something she spent 15 years developing, something she calls the Thinking Environment™. This consists of ten essential behaviours for when people are together, which encourage people to really think for themselves. This enriches relationships, provides better ideas, and within an organisation, it increases motivation and commitment.

The book explores the ten components in detail and explains why thinking alone is less productive than thinking with an attentive ‘human thinking partner’. When we think alone, we make assumptions which go unchallenged, acting as barriers to new thinking. When an attentive listener notices these limiting assumptions, they can challenge them, using ‘incisive questions’. These questions enable the thinker to bypass their assumptions, to think of things previously inconceivable.

Having defined the elements of a Thinking Environment, Nancy Kline continues in Part 2 to explore how to create this environment within an organisation. She describes the six steps in a Thinking Session, with wonderful examples that bring the process to life. She discusses how meetings can be improved, providing better ideas in less time, and how potential conflicts can be resolved by supplying a structure of respect.

She provides a compelling explanation for the value of executive coaching. Nancy Kline suggests that there are two essential skills required for a coach to bring out brilliance in a client. One is to provide ‘stunning attention’, and the other is to become expert at asking incisive questions. This is the book for any coach seeking to understand the value of non-directive coaching and the simple, yet often misunderstood premise: that a coach does not need to have the answers.

Part 3 is wider-ranging and inspirational. It describes her vision of the whole world as a Thinking Environment. She applies her reasoning to areas as diverse as health, relationships, schooling, families and politics and she demonstrates the reality of a quote by Shirley Edwards of Xerox: “A Thinking Environment is not just a theory and a set of skills. It is a way of being in the world.”

This book will revolutionise your listening and thinking skills, leading to greatly improved communication in all areas of your work and life.

 Copyright © 2005, 2008 Jacky Pratt http://www.ambitioncoach.com/

Thank you Jacky, both for the recommendation and the review.  I have also bought the follow-up book More Time to Think, and it will be interesting to read how the ideas have been applied and developed since the title above was first published in 1999 .

Inspiring conference: Euro Coach List Conference 2011

The Euro Coach List is an online group for anyone involved in coaching of any kind, and has been a valuable source of support to me (and to many others I know). We share experiences, knowledge, learning, ideas, inspiration. The conference is organised by a team of volunteers conitnuing that community spirit. You do not have to be a member to attend, though there is a discount if you are, and you can find out more here: www.eclconference.com

I attended the first conference, and left inspired and encouraged, but have not been able to get there since so I am delighted to be able to be involved this year. Doubly so as my application to run a workshop has been accepted.  If you are going it will be wonderful to see you there.  It is on 5-6 November, at Eastwood Park in Gloucestershire, UK.

Small Stones: Fiona Robyn's courses

I have written about Fiona's courses before and I have just signed up for another. Since April I have been enjoying the practice of writing "small stones" - small snippets of observational poetry, which can be left unpolished or edited and polished as much as you like.. More on the Writing Our Way Home community (which is free to join) and Fiona and her husband Kaspa's courses can be found here: www.writingourwayhome.com

Here are two "small stones" from my collection:

Morning mist bestows magical remnants
Even at mid day diamonds are dancing on iris leaves
and the web of a spider with captured mist glints like a silken net.
 
Early morning beach
millions, multitudes of
small stones.

Some polished, some pitted,
some rolling in the surf.
Glistening multi-coloured
with stories to be told.

Have you written any small stones? 

Small stones

Small Stones: Fiona Robyn's courses

I have written about Fiona's courses before and I have just signed up for another. Since april I have been enjoying the practice of writing "small stones" - small snippets of observational poetry, which can be left unpolished or edited and polished as much as you like. More on the courses here: www.writingourwayhome.com

Here are two "small stones" from my collection:

Morning mist bestows magical remnants
Even at mid day diamonds are dancing on iris leaves
and the web of a spider with captured mist glints like a silken net.
 
Early morning beach
millions, multitudes of
small stones.

Some polished, some pitted,
some rolling in the surf.
Glistening multi-coloured
with stories to be told.


The section above is an extract from my August newsletter which will be posted here soon.


Here are two more small stones: 

Equinox

Today we walked on the bed of the sea amid 

anemones and mussels tightly waiting.

22/3/11

Morning mist bestows magical remnants

Even at mid day diamonds are dancing on iris leaves
and the web of a spider with captured mist glints like a silken net.

Listening

Reflections: Listening

"Everyone deserves a good listening to." (Anon)

I love that quote, though I have been unable to find the author - do let me know if you have a reference or source.

Listening: everyone with hearing uses their ears all the time. We hear the daily hub-bub: TV and radio, music from all around, traffic, birdsong, planes, machinery, water, rain, wind, thunder, people talking, walking, shouting, snoring. We also have the internal hub-bub of our own thoughts continually chattering inside our heads.

Narrowing that down to communication with people around us: how much do we really hear? How often do we offer a "good listening to?"

How do we know when this happens? For me there is a quality of attention that gives me the feeling that I have not only been listened to but also I have been heard. Heard in the sense of acknowledging and witnessing - and seeing (even if not in the literal sense, this can be on the phone) - me, just as I am.

Recently I have had the pleasure and privilege of being on the receiving end of good listening. One example was with Fiona Miller, a life coach based in Christchurch, New Zealand, who is interviewing people in her research on unexpected events that are a catalyst for change. I believe she was prompted by the serious earthquakes that have resulted in huge upheavals (literal and metaphorical) for thousands of people. She has widened out to considering any catalyst for change and I responded to an email from a mutual connection.

We spent over an hour  on Skype one evening (or morning for Fiona), discussing a wide range of subjects and afterwards I reflected on how enriching it felt for me to be able to review events in my life with a true listener. We covered my experience of cancer, redundancy, and various other changes in my life - which were all catalysts for change in some sense. Fiona can be contacted via her website if you would like to contribute to her research.

Other "good listening to" experiences at various times  for me have been the coaching conversations I have had with a number of different people over the years since I first came across life coaching in around 2000. Part of training as a coach - and for various other occupations such as counselling or teaching - is about "active listening". This is when you are truly listening to the other person, listening with all your senses.

When you first experience it as the listened-to person, it can be quite unsettling, alarming even. It can be such an unsual thing to have someone's full and undivided attention. Good listening is about really hearing the other person. Being with them but not necessarily sharing their experience. Hearing them but not immediately trying to "fix" them. "Fixing" suggests there is something wrong, when people may just need to express doubts and fears and find their own answers through the articulation of them to a true listener.

Articulating your thoughts, being heard, and truly hearing yourself, can give birth to deep insights and inspiration. So often I have felt, and heard others say, "I have just said what I needed to know!"

For you: some suggestions for your journal or meditation reflections:

• Who are your "listeners"?
• Who would welcome a "good listening to" from you?
• If you were to listen to your own inner wisdom what would it tell you?
• Experiment with writing a letter to yourself, then read and really listen to what you are saying.

This is such a big and significant topic I will be reflecting more and writing again, and would love to hear your comments or reflections.

Here is another quote to close with:

"The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention."
Thich Nhat Hanh 

www.quotegarden.com